True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize