Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
