What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
