She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
barbara walters just said penis...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
