his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
