Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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