i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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