we have officially lost it.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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