my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
