I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
