i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
