I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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