I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
