I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
