My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
