I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
