This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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