how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
