Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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