apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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