You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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