her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
