I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
