I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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