I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
