and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
