i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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