Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
