Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize