i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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