I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
