the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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