So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
