she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
