you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
