Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
