I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
