It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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