He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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