i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
