Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
