Don't you send me to vm
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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