two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm both gender and math confused
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
