All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
