Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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