he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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