She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
