Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
