come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize