cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
