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Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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