He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
