I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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