It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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