This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
