I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
