my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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