Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
