I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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