Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
