i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
