I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
