was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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